Yesterday proved to be a pivotal day in my fast. I was absolutely positively miserable (which is unlike me).
I was being attacked with negative thoughts.
I was emotional.
I woke up with a head cold.
My daughter who is suffering from some anxiety issues, was in the office at school again 4 x in one day.
I just wanted to throw in the towel. I was thinking of all the people I know who are going through so much more, but at this time, I was not able to focus on anything else but me.
I started to realize when you are torn down, in whatever situation we are in, it is only by the grace of God that we survive! If it was up to my adequacy, and mine alone, it would NOT BE ENOUGH!
So, as I am realizing my absolute frailty, my husband calls me and says we have a business/ friendly dinner scheduled at a Fine dining establishment ( Ghezzi’s for the locals) this evening.
I instantly felt panicked, I was already feeling so weak, how could I get thru or out of this??? I couldn’t not go, I couldn’t just sit and not eat. What would I do. I felt like I was on the verge of a meltdown.
I went to our backroom here at the store and started to pray. “Lord, I am weak, I get it, I can’t do this alone, please lead me Lord.”
Was this the failure, I was sure to come, was this a scheme from the enemy? Was this a test? I continued to pray for 20 minutes. Then all at once, I felt okay. I felt peace, and a still small voice, don’t worry. So, I didn’t.
I went to dinner, I had a glass of red wine, a glass of water, and a cup of bisque. My company did ask the obvious question. I explained I was doing it for the Lord, I wanted to break strongholds in my life, and wishing for our business to be blessed. They said cool, we admire your conviction, and that was the extent of the conversation about the obvious.
I was so relieved. I went home and went right to bed.
I woke this morning feeling the pressure I was putting on myself was over. I will not extend the fast to 14 days. I do not think I am ready for that amount of time, mentally or physically. My goals are always lofty, sometimes to my benefit, sometimes to my determent.
I will continue to fast 2 days a week for the rest of 2014. I am excited to see what spiritual doors are opened, for myself and my family.
Thank you for reading, and taking the time to all who encouraged me! May God Bless you all in 2014.