My faith journey has taken me many different places. As my soul desperately tries to fit in to the conformity of a “Christian life”, it just never quite works for me.Status quo has never suited my life any way (lol). Sometimes I allow the spirit of doubt take hold because the things I am either experiencing, understanding, or willing to walk into ( by the Lord’s calling) others don’t understand. Heck, sometimes I don’t understand it. Although I trust God implicitly and believe He is leading me, and that my discernment proves to serve me well, a gift I have been given and haven’t obtained by any of my own works but only through the grace of God.

I have often heard the word freedom in biblical expressions of Jesus Christ. I often wanted to understand that in the deeper sense but just couldn’t put my finger on it. I can understand it in the natural ” death has lost it’s sting” “eternity” but here….now?

I attend more than one church. I attend a Catholic Church steeped in tradition and regiment, rituals and submission to church authorities Christ being center but authority of church heads more importantly. I also attend a non denominational church, freedom is the name of the game. Christ only reigns. Submission to the crucified Christ, living a disciple life.

This past Friday I went to a worship service called the Oasis. 2 hours of worshipping God, freely, hand waving foot stomping praise, it was intense and the small venue was brimming with the Holy Spirit. I could see Jesus ( in my minds eye) walking amongst us with a flowing and glowing white gown, breathing in our praise and love for Him. As we sang, I could hearJesus beginning to speak to me. He asked me why I think I have to prove myself to Him? He said ” you are already approved, you are clothed in my righteousness.”” You are free. I love you and want you to walk in confidence and assurance that you are in me.” I started to weep quietly with my hands covering my face. Soon after this I felt a weight lifted from me, that I no longer had to prove myself to anyone. Later on in the worship, the worship leader felt lead to pray over people. I raised my hands with my eyes still closed. He came to me and laid his hands on my heAd and spoke these words, ” you are a chameleon a 007 of sorts, people may view you as confused but you are not.”

God was confirming to me, that my walk may not look like anyone else’s, but do not mistake He has called me to it. As I meditated on this at home this verse came to mind written by Paul to the Corinthians-

Paul a Servant to All
…21to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. 22To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 23I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.

Press In

Press in to the uncertainty, press in to the pain, press in to the unknown. Hold tight to the known and clothe yourself in His majesty and protection. I shall not fear, I shall not doubt. Is it a trick? Is the enemy also pressing in? Sure he is, he wants your soul. But, your soul has been bought by another. Will my willingness to walk off the cliff hurt those closest to me? A new fear to throw my way, but I press into it, I will not it allow it to control me. I will not fear. Pressing in with boldness, it is what most people say is irresponsible, they dare not step into something they don’t understand. Then who? Who will step in? Who will press in? Who will trust the one who purchased their soul at a very expensive price? Will they watch? Will they fear? Whom shall we fear says He? We should fear not and abide in His unfailing protection and grace. Who holds the key? Who holds the Law in their hands? Who is the law? The one the only. Protect me Oh Lord. As I walk through the fire, the burning fire. Lord hold my hand, ease my heart, soothe my breath. Why Lord,am I filled with this zeal? Why Lord does my heart long for you every moment of everyday? Did you not put this fiery zeal in me Lord? Am I not made with your hands? Have you not counted the hairs on my head? Bottled my tears? Lord, help me to stand, help me to fight, help me to see your plan, not mine. Let me be humble in heart, let not the world’s praises at pivotal moments blur my mission for a land far away. Strengthen my resolve, gird up my mind, renew it with only your will. I only want to sing your song, your melody, smell your fragrance. Lord I am yours for all time. I am pressing in~ 


Faith Walking


Life has been crazy and I haven’t sat down to write in awhile. I have been thinking daily about it though. Every time I get an idea to write, I make a mental note but miss that moment when I am most excited about it. So, here I am back at it. The ministry is coming along, hoping to have all the paper work finished for the 501 c-3 done by this week, then just the wait. My daughter Gabby who was diagnosed with Perthes disease,  just diagnosed with it in her other hip, bummer BUT my God is bigger than any of our earthly circumstances so I am putting it in His hands. My other daughter just turned 12 years old, and she is growing into a beautiful young woman, but nevertheless embarking on the hardest years of a girls life.

My spiritual life is well and God has been showing me and leading me through refining since the store closed. It is a time of testing and truly trusting the Lord alone. It is scary but is yielding good fruit.

Money is always an issue. Although Gino has a good job, we are still spread thin and debt looming over head from our former venture of GiGi’s. I am trusting that the Lord is going to work it out in His time in His way, But, I won’t deny that the furnace is getting hot. Gino is learning to trust my instinct and ability to hear God. Also, I believe it is a call to him and his life as well. I had a thought a few weeks back while getting ready one morning that God had big plans for Gino and that Gino’s faith would grow strong. I am waiting for that deliverance and am excited for that time in our lives of believing together.

I am still counseling with Center of Hope and truly love that role. I have met some amazing clients and have established lasting relationships.

I will continue to Walk in Faith to what God is calling me to do.

God put a million, million doors in the world
For his love to walk through
One of those doors is you- Jason Gray