I have heard so often that we need to be living the kingdom lifestyle. When Jesus walked the earth He told the disciples the kingdom of God was at hand. I have always been intrigued at this notion and knew I wanted it, the kingdom that is. I wanted to live like this. I even created a Kingdom living Pintrest board, although there is not much on it considering that I wasn’t actually sure of what kingdom living was. Kind of like a kid telling his mom he wants to drive a firetruck, he draws pictures of firetrucks and dresses up like a fireman but doesn’t actually know how to drive it. So this is me, wanting a longing for something big red and shiny, but not sure how it will happen or maybe not even fully understanding what it is.
Let’s step back to the beginning of my walk, previous blogs will show that the Lord poured out a good dose of the ghost on my life. I was having dreams, speaking prophetic words of wisdom to people and much more. Then as soon as it had come I stepped into a dry season. I pray daily for God to use me like he had done before. Take me to new levels. Maybe I was too ambitious and really got on his nerves…lol I can do that. Sometimes I get on my own nerves with my anxiousness, of the “what next Lord”. So of course the enemy steps in and has a field day with me. Filling my mind with lies. Even though I am holding fast to God, I am getting worn down by the constant barrage of disappointment and waiting, which was never my strong suit.
The last few days the Lord is showing me some things, I am just starting to latch on to it. Insert mental image of baby so hungry that even though the bottle is in her mouth she can’t seem to suck any milk out. God has shown me some phrases.
2. Keys to Kingdom
My boss who can be a man of few words and quite frankly I think, thinks I am a little cooky at times, told me about my gift with the prophetic. For some reason hearing it from him made it stick.
I bought a book months ago, that I just picked up to read, it speaks of kingdom authority, using the keys to access all that God has to offer.
My Pastor started a series of sermons on sonship and realizing who we are in Christ and that we as the body of Christ have to stop living with an orphan mentality.( We have no power, feeling defeated, not accessing our potential)
My dear friend tags me in a post that leads me to read about kingdom living, prophets, and leading.
2 weeks ago God led me to intense intercession for the first time. I thought I was going to explode. A dear friend calls me after I had been suffering for days no eating, no sleeping, I relay to her what I am feeling and she says, “your being called to intercede”. I’m like how???? she said you have to let it out, wail, weep, scream. I was so afraid. I do not like to feel out of control, and this feeling I had inside was so intense I was afraid to let it go, but like when your sick and you know you have to throw up, and you fight it, but ultimately you know you are not going to feel better until you just do it. Yup, that was exactly how it felt. I prayed and asked God to keep everyone out of the house. My husband will think I have gone over the edge and my kids will be scared. He did just that. I wailed for 45 minutes, I groaned from the deepest parts of me. It was the pain of Jesus’s heart for this lost world, I keenly knew it as I cried and wept.
Little conversation with God~
Okay so what now Lord? What does all this mean? Am I going to start living the kingdom life? How do I get in? God is telling me I already have the keys and that I am standing at the door. He told me I have had the keys all along. But, I argue I have prayed Lord for you to show me the way, to pour out like you have done before……wait for it, but nothing has happened. He continues to tell me, you have it already. Okay Lord, but I apparently don’t know how to use the keys to open the door, I am truly at a loss. I am still patiently awaiting him to show me how to get in, even though I already have the keys, I don’t know how to use them.
But, I know my God is for me, and that He has plans and purposes for my life. I will stay in prayer and patiently wait for Him to let me in. Or to show me how to use the keys.