CHAOS

CHAOS

The picture above this blog is how God sees our mess from where He sits. To us our lives look like utter chaos. Brothers hating brothers Sisters jealous of sisters Children’s entitlement Heroin addiction Prescription Pills Mental illness Chronic pain … Continue reading

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Here Goes!!

I have been tinkering over the idea of writing a book for about 2 years. 8 months ago I came up with a name for it, ” Extraordinary moments in a Ordinary Life”. All good in theory, but scary considering I have never been a scholar. But, nonetheless here I go!

When I was a child I had an experience that would change me forever. At 8 years old my Mom and “Dad” sat me down one night to talk to me. I couldn’t have imagined what was so serious, they began to to tell me in the best way that they could that the “Dad” that I had known was in fact not my Dad and that he loved me very much but that it was time that I know the truth. That there was a man that was my Dad but had decided to not be in my life for whatever reason, I don’t remeber the reasoning that was given. I was stunned beyond belief, it was a game changer. All of these feelings were flooding my mind, Who am I really? Why did my real father not want me? Would this father end up leaving me too? This was a definate defining moment in my life, I went from a confident child, to having an insecurity so deep in my soul that I felt that I was just not good enough, good enough for my “real” father, nor the father that I knew and ultimately throughout my life not good enough for just about anyone I came in contact with. It was a heavy burden and yes ultimately (like 6 months later) That Dad I had known and promised to never leave me, did just that. Fortunately, I had a mother that was wonderful, loving,encouraging, and believed in me ALWAYS even when I did not believe I was worth much. Consequently, I craved attention from everyone. We had moved around alot trying to get settled somewhere and I continued at every new school I would go to, to prove to all the “cool” kids that I was worthy of their friendship even though I was lacking most of the qualities they considered cool. Even though it was hard and I had times as a teenager of feeling really depressed, I had a drive in me to prove to everyone that I was Good enough. Little did I know that this drive was given to me for a reason, and that it was actually vitale to my future and the future of others.

Jeremiah 29:11 ” For I know the Plans I have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)