My faith journey has taken me many different places. As my soul desperately tries to fit in to the conformity of a “Christian life”, it just never quite works for me.Status quo has never suited my life any way (lol). Sometimes I allow the spirit of doubt take hold because the things I am either experiencing, understanding, or willing to walk into ( by the Lord’s calling) others don’t understand. Heck, sometimes I don’t understand it. Although I trust God implicitly and believe He is leading me, and that my discernment proves to serve me well, a gift I have been given and haven’t obtained by any of my own works but only through the grace of God.

I have often heard the word freedom in biblical expressions of Jesus Christ. I often wanted to understand that in the deeper sense but just couldn’t put my finger on it. I can understand it in the natural ” death has lost it’s sting” “eternity” but here….now?

I attend more than one church. I attend a Catholic Church steeped in tradition and regiment, rituals and submission to church authorities Christ being center but authority of church heads more importantly. I also attend a non denominational church, freedom is the name of the game. Christ only reigns. Submission to the crucified Christ, living a disciple life.

This past Friday I went to a worship service called the Oasis. 2 hours of worshipping God, freely, hand waving foot stomping praise, it was intense and the small venue was brimming with the Holy Spirit. I could see Jesus ( in my minds eye) walking amongst us with a flowing and glowing white gown, breathing in our praise and love for Him. As we sang, I could hearJesus beginning to speak to me. He asked me why I think I have to prove myself to Him? He said ” you are already approved, you are clothed in my righteousness.”” You are free. I love you and want you to walk in confidence and assurance that you are in me.” I started to weep quietly with my hands covering my face. Soon after this I felt a weight lifted from me, that I no longer had to prove myself to anyone. Later on in the worship, the worship leader felt lead to pray over people. I raised my hands with my eyes still closed. He came to me and laid his hands on my heAd and spoke these words, ” you are a chameleon a 007 of sorts, people may view you as confused but you are not.”

God was confirming to me, that my walk may not look like anyone else’s, but do not mistake He has called me to it. As I meditated on this at home this verse came to mind written by Paul to the Corinthians-

Paul a Servant to All
…21to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. 22To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 23I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.

Spoon Fed

babyWalkingSpoon Fed

Just when I think I  won’t be getting another bite, God gives me another spoon full. I liken spiritual growth to being spoon fed by the master, our father. I mean think about it. When we receive salvation we are like babies again, we are re learning everything. We are learning everything in a spiritual way not a physical way. It’s a new life. So, like a baby God spoons feeds us little bites just like we do when we have a new baby. We don’t introduce steak at  3 months old, we start with milk and baby food.

                                                                             1 Corinthians 3:2

I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready

 John 3:3

                   Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.

So along those lines, God has given me glimpses of things but in small bites. One of the things that He has recently revealed by no will of my own but only through His will is a deeper revelation about numbers. I had written in a post last year about seeing the #44 and how God would use it to wink at me but also it had many significant meanings in the bible(  The Bible in Hebrew and Greek also in English all have numbers that correspond to each letter. So, with deeper insight of the divine it is more clear that every thing God does in the bible is backed up by numbers, which further shows His sovereignty and gives “the Bible is error because man wrote it theory” out the window. No man could have written this. It is God inspired. A few weeks ago I came across a video that blew my socks off. It was a man who had basically been taught by the spirit to understand this number backed wording of the bible to the 10th degree. I watched it several times and marveled a the deeper revelation God was showing me through this video. God does not just offer us salvation and that leave it at that until we die. He desires to have a deeper relationship with us, so that we can grow our spirit man, the new life in Christ passed infancy. When we desire and seek this, in His time He will spoon feed us deeper knowledge of who He is. It is a journey that is both exciting and risky, it takes us outside of our comfort zone; the comforts of the natural world and reasoning that we are accustomed to.

Think about all of the characters in the Bible. Our biblical heroes, the ones God gave us to learn from including Jesus. They were often called if not ALWAYS called to step out into a realm of “the unknown” as far as their earthly experience had taught them. “44 DNA”

Seek and you shall find. If you are ready for solid food ask the Lord to lead you to a deeper relationship, a growth spurt if you will.

Prayer Fail?


It is time that I write a praise report.


I wrote  to you and told about the new chapter in our lives. I also talked about my daughter Gabby’s diagnosis of Perthes disease and the dreaded waiting game.

We were back for an appointment after waiting 2 months, and also after reading up thoroughly on the disease itself and what we would be up against. Unfortunately, Gabby had all the risk factors that make her diagnosis worse case scenario. ( Risk factors- 1-Age(best if diagnosed by 6, she’s 8) Weight- (Gabby is short and stocky) Early detection ( 1 year of symptoms before diagnosis for Gab)

These were all scary facts. Even though I was praying and praying for healing and restoration I still had my doubts, like any parent would.


The appointment went well at first. The Dr. said according to the new set of x-rays what was left of the femoral head hadn’t deteriorated any further. I was thanking Jesus, thinking it was a good thing. But, the Dr. went on to say that this was A typical for Perthes disease, and that he was now unsure of his origin al diagnosis. He even went as far to say it could be  tumor and that he would like to see her back in 3 month for  a biopsy and contrast MRI. I was stunned to say the least. It actually took me hours to comprehend what he had said.


After discussing it with my husband, and conferring with the online support group, we decided to get a second opinion. I called a noted facility in a neighboring town and was able to get a appointment fairly quickly.


We went with disc’s of the x-rays in hand and waited with anxiety to see what this Dr. would say about what he saw on the x-rays.


He came in and quite confidently said, he did not think it was a tumor, and even better, he did not think she needed surgery either. He said she was in the regrowth process and as long as she did not do

any weight bearing activities ( soccer, basketball) that we just have to allow the body to do it’s thing.

We couldn’t have been happier, and more importantly relieved.


The next answered prayer is something I wrote about last year.

Months went by and I continued to pray fervently everyday for the owner of the tracker with the bumper sticker that so saddened my heart ” Nothing fails like prayer”. Then the roadwork came into play. The tracker was forced to park in another spot due to the roadwork, and so out of the eye shot of every passerby. I was happy about that, but still broke my heart that someone was so broken and angry to believe that statement.

The roadwork went on for a few months. Out of sight out of mind. Then Bam, I am driving along this street where now the mid 90’s tracker is BACK.


But, with something noticeably missing. The Bumper Sticker. It’s GONE, the remnants are left of the glue that held it fast to the soft top. The glue is black from the dirt that collected under it. I screamed! Woohoo! My girls looked at me as if I was crazy. My mind was fluttering with ideas. My prayer had been answered. But, why? Lord, did you change the person’s heart, like I had prayed for? Are they just going to sell it, and needed to remove the stickers? But, it’s such an old model, would they really be selling it? I may never know what the answer is. I pray that my prayers prompted God to reveal himself to this person and their life has been changed forever. Maybe that moment I enter the pearly gates, I will be greeted by someone I have never actually met in this life.

All I can say is ” Nothing prevails like prayer”

Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”

Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

John 14:13-14 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it

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Series- A Journey Back- Part 1 Childhood abuse

So, I did a taping this morning for the YouTube channel. This one is probably the heaviest one I have done so far. We ended up breaking it into 4 parts. So, it will be a series. It is a story about mental, physical, and sexual abuse, abandonment, rejection, and pain. In the midst of the unthinkable this woman is brought into healing by a loving God. Most of us cannot fathom ever being able to heal, much less forgive the unspeakable things that happened to her. She is anonymous in this video. She is in the ending stages of writing a biography of her life called “A Journey Back”. This woman has a testimony you won’t soon forget, and God is going to use her story and life, to heal the souls and hearts of many ❤

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Sin that besets men, besets all men

Sin that besets men, besets all men

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