Trials Come To Make You Strong!

 

Leaving my job in lending was bittersweet. The pressure was a lot to handle and I felt like I was missing so much with my family, due to long hours to obtain the goal for the month and then you just start all over again. Deep down I wanted to have a third child and I knew that the job there was not conducive to having another child. After talking with my husband Gino about it we decided that I would quit, and spend the summer 2008 with the girls at the local pool and eventually find something that would be maybe part time so we could have another baby.

The summer came and went and it was so freeing! No goals, stress of juggling everything. But, I am a people person and as the winter hit I was lonely and longing for some adult conversation and company. Gino and I were taking the baby thing as it came, we had never had an issue getting pregnant before so that was the least of our worries. But as time went on I was not getting pregnant. Not only was I not getting pregnant, but starting to have different kinds of health issues. Until this point I had never had ANY issues, in fact from 1996 to 2001 I didn’t have any insurance coverage, and there was never a care. I had some pain in my ovary, so much that I called my Ob and they got me in that evening as a last appointment. I had a cyst that was twisted around my ovary and was going to need surgery asap or I might have lost my ovary all together. They took me in the next morning and removed it and were able to save my ovary. I was elated, it was so odd that I was having these issues now when I was trying to have another baby, in my mind anyway. We went back to trying, believing it could happen now, but I continued to have female issues that were unbearable. I’ll save you the details..lol I went back to my Ob and they found a large fibroid on my uterus. The Dr. said that he needed to remove it, but that he was not sure that he could save my Uterus because of where it was. I was absolutely devastated. But, he assured me that he would do everything he could to save it. I went in for surgery and was a nervous wreck, thinking I could wake up and not have my uterus. I went in and woke up from anesthesia 5 hours later. Yes 5 hours, he had laparoscopically taken out the fibroid which was 188 grams and had another half that could not be seen on the ultrasound, but he was able to reconstruct my uterus. I was elated but also knew that it was going to take time for me to heal and that I could not rush to get pregnant. I still was hopeful though that all would work out. Unfortunately, I continued to have problems and now they were WORSE. I dealt with it for the first couple of weeks after surgery, thinking okay this is just the after effects, but it got to the point again where I could not take it. Gino took me back to the hospital and they did a cat scan with a contrast due to my excessive distention. After 2 hrs. of waiting they told they had found a tumor in my Liver which was completely unrelated to what I was there for, and that they wanted me to see a Liver specialist first thing Monday morning. I was in complete shock and sadness. What was happening to me, I was always so healthy, what has gone wrong. I started to question my mortality, that was something I had never done before. It was very scary. I was getting depressed and started taking long showers just to escape everything and cry, and even pray. The shower became my mini sanctuary where I could shut the door turn off the light and hide from the world. It was uncertainty, the one thing that I wanted to escape. I had no control of what was happening or how it would turn out. In this time is when my prayer life started to become more than a quick prayer in church on Sundays. I started to rely on it for some comfort. Not that I didn’t believe in prayer or did I? Before this point I don’t think I really had ever tested it, so to say. 

I went to see the Liver specialist and he said this was a rare case and that he wanted to send me to a bigger hospital that had a Liver transplant team. Again, total shock! What? A transplant team?! What in the hell was happening to me??!! I went with Gino to see the transplant team and they had meetings about my case. The diagnosis and explanation that they gave me was that I had an Adenoma inside my Liver and that generally these grow on the outside and can be removed, but this Adenoma had grown on the inside of my Liver and it was too risky to remove. They said that they didn’t feel it was Cancer but that they couldn’t be sure. So, in a quick explanation they told me that I would have to have cat scans every 6 months so they could monitor growth, and that I could not take birth control pills, or have anymore children. Wait Dr. did you say no more children? I immediately started to sob. He had no idea what I had just been through, or maybe he did, but nonetheless he unloaded that on me with no time to emotionally prepare. He said that the Adenoma was estrogen fed and that pregnancy could make it grow and possibly burst. Again, I was in such shock and sadness, I cried all the way home as Gino consoled me and told me it would be okay. He said Marty,  we have 2 beautiful daughters, and I did know that, but I had imagined it differently. I came home and went right to my sanctuary, cried and cried asking God, WHY? WHY? was all of this happening to me. I tried to move past it, but the female issues were a constant reminder. I was still having major issues and again went to my Dr., he looked at me and said maybe it’s time to have a hysterectomy. Even though I knew I couldn’t have any more children a hysterectomy seemed so final I was only 32. But, I agreed and a month later, I had the surgery, when I came out of surgery this time, yet another shocker waiting for me just out of anesthesia, my uterus was covered in white spots and Doc was concerned and sent it away for biopsy. Another wait, another scare, was this going to be the thing to be the BIG ONE! A week later we got the results and it wasn’t cancer (Thank you God) It was a rare form of endometriosis all of the muscles in my uterus were filled with scar tissue, and Doc was actually surprised I was able to get pregnant the first two times. Now, it was really time for Gino and I to come together and re group. No, more children, and now our youngest Gabrielle was now in full day Pre-k. So, we dug back into our plans before marriage of how nice it would be if we could have our own business. Gino has always been a forward thinker, a success in all that he does, so we decided to start planning.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.