My faith journey has taken me many different places. As my soul desperately tries to fit in to the conformity of a “Christian life”, it just never quite works for me.Status quo has never suited my life any way (lol). Sometimes I allow the spirit of doubt take hold because the things I am either experiencing, understanding, or willing to walk into ( by the Lord’s calling) others don’t understand. Heck, sometimes I don’t understand it. Although I trust God implicitly and believe He is leading me, and that my discernment proves to serve me well, a gift I have been given and haven’t obtained by any of my own works but only through the grace of God.
I have often heard the word freedom in biblical expressions of Jesus Christ. I often wanted to understand that in the deeper sense but just couldn’t put my finger on it. I can understand it in the natural ” death has lost it’s sting” “eternity” but here….now?
I attend more than one church. I attend a Catholic Church steeped in tradition and regiment, rituals and submission to church authorities Christ being center but authority of church heads more importantly. I also attend a non denominational church, freedom is the name of the game. Christ only reigns. Submission to the crucified Christ, living a disciple life.
This past Friday I went to a worship service called the Oasis. 2 hours of worshipping God, freely, hand waving foot stomping praise, it was intense and the small venue was brimming with the Holy Spirit. I could see Jesus ( in my minds eye) walking amongst us with a flowing and glowing white gown, breathing in our praise and love for Him. As we sang, I could hearJesus beginning to speak to me. He asked me why I think I have to prove myself to Him? He said ” you are already approved, you are clothed in my righteousness.”” You are free. I love you and want you to walk in confidence and assurance that you are in me.” I started to weep quietly with my hands covering my face. Soon after this I felt a weight lifted from me, that I no longer had to prove myself to anyone. Later on in the worship, the worship leader felt lead to pray over people. I raised my hands with my eyes still closed. He came to me and laid his hands on my heAd and spoke these words, ” you are a chameleon a 007 of sorts, people may view you as confused but you are not.”
God was confirming to me, that my walk may not look like anyone else’s, but do not mistake He has called me to it. As I meditated on this at home this verse came to mind written by Paul to the Corinthians-
Paul a Servant to All
…21to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. 22To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 23I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.