When I found the Lord, and began to read the Bible, I was completely overwhelmed in all kinds of different ways. I started with Genesis, I wanted to know how it started and ended. I soon realized that it is very hard to read the Bible like a book you would pick up at the Library. In my infancy of Christianity, I was going by what seemed logical. So, I tried different ways, different versions, some of Revelation due to the last of the last days we are living in, hoping that I could somehow gain some knowledge of a timeline. Then I would go to Genesis, then I would read whatever I had opened up to that moment.
I gained a lot of knowledge, there is no doubt about that, but then what to do with that knowledge. I struggled to apply it to my life exactly what the text was saying and I was taking it very literally (sometimes that is the way scripture is meant to be taken, but not all, through the guiding of the Holy Spirit you will know how to DISCERN) But, early on I wanted to do everything right. I was scared of messing up, After reading the Old testament that is an easy thing to do feel scared. I fell into the rigid pit of perfectionism. I had to do everything right as to not offend God, I love him so much. I did not cut myself any type of break, I would beat myself up over spending money on Sundays (The Sabbath day) I would make sure to get up early every morning to pray if I over slept or decided not to get up I was guilt ridden, I would read the word everyday, I was so afraid to miss church and if I did I would torture myself all day over it. My body wasn’t being taken care of the way It should be, (I Love Junk food). It was a constant battle in my mind. I was comparing myself to other Christians and trying to measure up. Another instance that haunted me was on Christmas Day my daughter got bit in the face by a family members Dog and I acted extremely UNCHRISTIAN like in front of all of our family, said horrible words to the family member. After cooling down a couple of days later, I was so angry with myself, didn’t I know how to display self control. It could only be left to the imagination of all the family members what kind of Christian I really was, I’m sure they were questioning it.
After months of this, I thought if this is what following Christ is about, I may never make it, I’ll have a nervous break down before that.
I spoke to 2 of my dear friends in Christ (Helene & Deb–My God squad)lol.. I had expressed to them before about being hard on myself, but had not let them in on how much I was torturing myself. They sat down with me and had many phone conversations. They expressed to me the difference between the Old testament covenant and the New testament covenant, How we are living in an age of grace, and that although I absolutely want to avoid sin, that I am a human being, it’s inevitable to mess up everyday in some form. Even when we are saved and living our lives for Christ. I didn’t get it right away, but as time has gone on I have learned that they were so right. This does not give us a license to sin, it just reminds us that when we are weak he is strong,2 Corinthians 12:9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
When we realize we have sinned in our actions in our words, we are able to lay it at the feet of Christ and ask sincerely for forgiveness and he forgives, just like that. And we have to remember not to keep reliving our forgiven sins and be laden with guilt. That is why Christ died for me and you, so that Satan couldn’t take us down with the wallowing in sin. God doesn’t see that sin anymore, and either should we.
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” (Isaiah 43:25)
Sin does not define us, The redemption for sin through a crucified Christ is what defines us. A forgiven people who take the way that he has made for us to return to our clean slate like in the very beginning with Adam and Eve.
Decide today not to let the adversary keep reminding you how you’ll never measure up. Jesus Christ took or place– 2 Corinthians 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
All glory to God who covers MY imperfection.